Rivka Velonina drifted awake, her subconscious complaining that it was nowhere near time to get up yet, her internal body clock telling her it was still fairly early in the morning. She couldn't have had more than a couple of hours' sleep … so why had she woken up?
Blinking awake, she turned instinctively to check on the wounded man lying beside her … and met with a pair of gentle blue eyes glinting in the subdued light of a paraffin lamp.
"Major?" Rivka was wide awake now, her concern instantly to the fore. "Are you all right? Are you in pain?"
"No, Missus. Well, nothing I can't handle." Nikolai Koulikov smiled wanly. "I just couldn't sleep. Been sleeping too much, probably. Sorry I woke you … seem to be doing that a lot lately …"
Rivka noticed the matches on the small bedside table and guessed it was either the sudden flare of the lamp or Nikolai twisting painfully in the bed as he lit the wick that had woken her from her deep slumber.
"That's all right, Major. Do you want anything? Are you uncomfortable? Do you need a bedpan?"
Nikolai's smile widened at the concern in her voice, and felt a surge of warmth inside his chest. No one had cared about him in this way since … he flinched. No - he didn't want to think about that. It hurt too much, even after all these years.
Rivka noticed the spasm of pain on his face and became even more concerned.
"Is something wrong?? Your wounds …"
She scrambled upright in the bed, shifting onto her knees beside him and pulling his old greatcoat over her shoulders in the chill air. Easing back the blankets she began checking the dressings, noticing a faint bloodstain at his side where the shrapnel had penetrated.
"You're bleeding!! Let me see …"
"It's nothing … I just pulled it a little when I lit the lamp …" Nikolai winced as she carefully eased the dressing from the wound, sticky blood catching on the stitches. One of them had torn slightly, causing the wound to ooze blood. Rivka muttered in irritation and bustled out of bed to get clean dressings and some warm water to clean the wound. Settling down beside him once more she tutted and tsked, Nikolai contentedly submitting to the tenderness of her care.
"Whatever possessed you to light the lamp? I could have done it for you! All you had to do is ask, you fool!" her tone was brusque with worry.
"Now, now, Missus - why should I do such a thing? I'm a big fella, I can do things for myself." Nikolai couldn't resist teasing her a little, despite the pain. "Anyway, woman, you were asleep. I didn't want to wake you … you haven't had much sleep these past couple of days because of me - OWW!!"
"Well, you shouldn't have tried lighting the lamp, now should you?" Rivka's gentle chiding made him grin ruefully. "Anyway, what woke you? Sleep seems to be something you've been needing a lot of, Major, even before you allowed a wall to bounce off your noggin."
"Oh, nothing." His hesitancy made her frown. "Just a bad dream. I get them sometimes, just like anyone else."
Rivka noted the guarded tone of his voice, but held her tongue. She taped
clean gauze over the wound, and decided to change the dressings on his other
wounds while she had the material to hand. It was always a painful process,
but it had to be done - infection was one of the biggest killers here on the
Eastern Front, and only cleanliness and attention to wounds helped keep it at
bay.
Settling down to her task, her deft fingers checked for inflammation and swelling, her face absorbed by her work. Nikolai bunched the sheets with a big hand, the pain of her investigation making the sweat break out on his forehead. To take his mind off it, he admired the way Rivka sat comfortably on her knees, warm and cosy in his old great coat, the cuffs now folded back to prevent interfering with her hands. He thought she looked charming. No, she was more than charming. She was beautiful, her black hair hanging loose about her shoulders, the shadow of her body under the old night-gown she habitually wore giving him a curious twinge of longing.
What a bloody fool of man that husband of hers was, he thought. She's magnificent. Clever, beautiful, and magnificent. Because of that stupid, thoughtless bastard she's never known a man properly, and probably never will. God, what I would give, my lady Rivka, to show you what pleasure it can be when a man makes love to you. I would show you, Rivka … I'd love you with everything I have to give, body, heart and soul. I would be so gentle …
His sudden grunt of pain took Rivka's attention away from her own thoughts, thoughts of Nikolai's loose-limbed frame lying prone under her care. She couldn't ignore now the feelings that big, powerful body drew from her, feelings she couldn't quite identify.
"I'm sorry Major …" Rivka tried to concentrate on her work.
"It's all right Missus … " Nikolai clenched his teeth as she peeled off the gauze covering a wound deep in the pectoral muscle, Rivka's gentle hands not far from his nipple.
Oh Lord, don't start that again you fool … she's not interested in you that way … she needs someone better than a big oaf of a soldier …
Rivka saw the small bud of flesh harden, and was flustered by the feeling of pleasure it gave her. Her touch did that to him! Even though he did his best to hide his reactions to her presence, his body betrayed him - and she discovered she was enthralled with how instantly it reacted. Without thinking her hand brushed the sensitive flesh almost in passing and she was jolted by the small, sharp inhale of breath it brought from him.
Enough!!! Whatever would he think of her, acting like a hussy!
Rivka took a shaky breath of her own and concentrated on her work, gently cleaning once more around the cut in his chest. She was conscious of the deep bruising on his battered body, knowing it probably caused more pain sometimes than the wounds, so to take both of their minds off something that obviously could never be, she took a different tack.
"So, Major … are you married?"
Rivka cringed as soon as the words left her mouth. Why did she ask that, for God's sake? What on earth was she doing, asking him such a thing? It was none of her business, after all - she wasn't interested in him … was she? She was appalled to realise she was desperate to hear the answer.
Nikolai however didn't seem concerned by her impudent and intrusive question and grinned ruefully through his pain.
"Nah. Not me. Came close once, but … anyway, no. I'm not married. Who'd have me?" He added wryly.
Rivka just looked at him with fathomless brown eyes, her mind in a whirl. He wasn't married. Ah well - better be hung for a sheep than a lamb … she pressed onward regardless, shocked at her own rudeness. Normally she would never have dreamt of asking such personal questions … but the Major knew about Gavri, and she felt she needed to know more about this big, gentle man who had dropped into her life so completely and unexpectedly.
"So, no children then? Do you have any family at all? Is there anyone back home waiting for you … parents, a brother or sister?" She kept her head bent to her work so he wouldn't see the desperate curiosity in her eyes.
"No, Missus. Not a soul. Not any more."
But this time Rivka was stunned to hear the sadness in the soft baritone, and when she looked up she was shocked to see the sheer hopelessness lining his face. She was mortified. What on earth had she done? He looked so … so … lost. Rivka's heart lurched at the hurt in him, so bare, so unbidden.
"I'm sorry Major …" She touched his wrist, feeling the big bones through his skin, strong, capable. "I didn't mean to pry. That was rude of me."
The rueful smile came once more on his gaunt face.
"It's all right Missus - you weren't to know. Anyway, it was a long time ago. It's past and gone, there's no need for you to be concerned."
Rivka was at a loss what to say. She had hit a nerve without realising it, and she was heart-sore for bringing up bad memories for him. They sat quietly, Rivka gentling him through the pain in his body but unable to heal the hurt in his soul.
Nikolai gazed into the glowing coals of the brazier, memories and moments overwhelming him, unable now to hold back his pain.
"Did Vassili tell you about Volodya?" His voice was velvet-rough, almost a whisper.
"No, Major. No, he didn't." All Rivka could do was sit and listen, knowing he needed to let the feelings wash out of him. He had sat quietly as she had blurted out her woeful story, never criticising or judging … just listening. Now she knew she could help him by doing the same.
Azure blue eyes watched her, clear and honest as a chill blue winter sky.
"I killed him, you know."
Nikolai watched her face, waiting for the look of horror or revulsion … but all he saw was shocked compassion. He waited, sure she would turn away from him, but Rivka's huge dark eyes never wavered and he was stunned to feel her touch slide from his wrist to hold his hand, fingers linking in his. She smiled and nodded her assent. It's all right …let go … I'm here …
The first hesitant, raw words came from him, painful and halting, as he told her how Koenig had used Volodya as bait, and how Nikolai had unknowingly put a bullet in Volodya's head. Rivka saw his blue eyes widen with revulsion at his own actions and his face became lined with guilt, and she knew he was reliving the moment, hearing the flat crack of the shot and seeing again the spray of blood as the bullet struck home. And so she listened, knowing there was nothing she could say that would heal him, but offering, in the simplicity of her touch, her support and sympathy. He killed for a living, this she knew, but humanity still ran strong through him and he took Volodya's death hard.
He finished speaking, the tale told in bare, spartan fashion, leaving nothing out. Rivka sat holding his hand, waiting. There was more to come, she thought. A stillness had come over him, but every muscle in his body was tense … whatever was eating at him would not let go, and he needed to rid himself of the burden. What had she done to him? Why hadn't she left well alone and allowed this big, hurt, affable man to keep his secrets? But in her heart she knew she had given him something precious - a way of dealing with something that had consumed him for many years.
She heard a deep, wistful sigh and Nikolai gripped her hand tightly, hanging on as though his life depended on it.
"My mother died when I was thirteen." There. He had said it. He felt her move and looked over to see Rivka settle down on the pillows beside him, his hand still tightly clasped in hers, her head resting close to his shoulder. She smiled gently.
"Tell me about her, Major. If you don't mind talking about it, that is."
Nikolai let slip a big, gusty sigh of relief. It's all right … I can tell you, my lady Rivka …I can tell you all of it … at last …
"She was the only family I had, Missus. She was twenty-nine years old when she died, and I was her only child."
"What about your father?" Rivka was curious, but she knew she had to be gentle with him, help him ease the memories out into the open. Nikolai snorted.
"What father? Oh, you mean the lecherous bastard that seduced a fifteen-year-old illiterate farm girl and left her holding the baby? The brave, noble soldier of the Tsar that told her he loved her, seduced her and buggered off? That father?" Nikoli's voice was harsh with anger. "Y'know, the funny thing is, my mother would never hear a word against him. He was always going to come back one day, she was sure. Come back and claim the son that looked so much like him. Like hell he did. He left his bastard son of a bastard whore to suffer the consequences."
Nikolai saw the dismay on Rivka's face.
"Oh, yes, Missus - my Mother was born on the wrong side of the blanket too. She was the Master's by-blow he sired by a house-maid he raped. When my mother was born he threw both of 'em out of the house and sent 'em to one of the big estate farms he owned. I was born there when my mother was sixteen … just a girl. Too young to know what the hell was happening to her." Nikolai smiled. "But she was a good mother, Missus. She made sure I ate enough and grew up strong. Every rouble she got she saved and paid the local priest to teach me to read and write. Every day of my life I thank her for giving me that. She worked hard and looked out for me until the day she died …"
"What happened?" Rivka's words were softly spoken.
Nikolai's face finally began to line with grief. Nearly thirty years of masking the memories began to crumble as Rivka lay still and quiet beside him, allowing him to let the hurt flow from him.
"It … it took her three days to die. It was nothing really. Or it wouldn't have been if the doctor had decided it was worth coming to see her. Just a pain in her side that wouldn't go away, and then she became feverish and ill. All the time she kept saying it was nothing, and I wasn't to bother the doctor. Six times in three days I went to see him, but he wouldn't come. He said he had more important things to do than look at a servant girl with a stomach ache. It was only when I told him on the third day that I couldn't wake her up that he decided she was worth the bother. When he got there he decided to operate - he cut her open on the kitchen table, took one look and stitched her up again. It was her appendix, and it had burst. He turned to me and told me she was dying and there was nothing he could do for her. Then he left. Bloody doctors … nothing but butchers … She died through the night, and I was the only one with her …"
For the first time a wrenching, painful sob came from him, tearing from his chest as though the heart was being ripped out of him. He felt Rivka's other hand touch his shoulder, and it was if a flood-gate opened. Hot tears trickled from hurt blue eyes, and his voice shook.
"Do you know what was the worst of it, Missus? That oh-so-holier-than-thou priest that taught me my letters, and told me we were all equal in God's eyes, wouldn't let her be buried in consecrated ground. She wasn't baptised, y'see …"
Rivka could feel him trembling, the shuddering deep sobs coming harder now, and she could bear it no longer.
Reaching out with her hand she touched his cheek and her own breath caught in her chest as he turned his face into that touch, his eyes closing as though trying to shut out the memories that were now coming thick and fast. Loosening her grip on his hand she turned his wounded body into her arms and gathered him close, Nikolai easing onto his good side and burying his face in the hollow of her neck. Rivka felt his arm slide around her back under the greatcoat and she held him tight, rocking him, soothing him, crooning soft, wordless sounds that lay like balm on his bruised and battered soul.
One of her hands began to stroke his soft curls that lay at her shoulder and Nikolai, overwhelmed by the compliance of her body nuzzled the firm breast that lay under his head. Rivka felt him tremble against her and she lay quietly as he began to speak amid the tears, halting, hoarse, his words throaty with anguish. He told her everything … the deaths of friends, the torture he endured … but most of all he told her of the guilt he had borne every day for over quarter of a century - the guilt of being unable to save his mother's life.
And so Rivka listened - wordlessly, knowing there was nothing she could say that would comfort him. She held him tight and wiped away his tears, her own falling silently, her heart aching for this big, gentle scarred man she cradled in her arms.
After he could weep no more and the words drifted to silence, he sighed, settling an arm around her ribcage, relaxing into her care. He felt Rivka smooth his hair back from his brow.
"Sleep now, Major. Get some rest. Shhh now … I'll still be here in the morning …"
Rivka heard him sigh once more, a deep secure sigh, and he settled himself finally against her.
And so it was, in the early hours of a new day in the battle-torn city of Stalingrad, they found solace, and lying safe in their entwined embrace, they slept.
*******************
The morning bombardment had been in full swing for two hours when Rivka Velonina blinked into consciousness, the distant booms and thuds so much a part of her life now that she barely acknowledged them.
She began to stretch, easing the kinks out of stiff muscles, when she realised she was pretty well immobilised by a solid weight lying against her left side. Turning her head she discovered Nikolai's face tucked against her breast, his big, lax body draped over hers. His left leg sprawled over her thighs and a broad, long-fingered hand loosely cupped her right breast. He was sound asleep. Rivka tried again. This time he stirred in his slumber, his face turning to her breast and nuzzling, his hand sliding down to tighten around her waist.
"Stay … 'm comfy …"
Rivka had to smile at the sleepy irritation in the big sniper's voice. She reached over and tucked a short, tousled curl away from the healing cut in his forehead and he muttered again in his dream.
"Mmmm … nice …"
Whoever he was talking to, she was pretty sure it wasn't her, and she chuckled at the thought of how embarrassed Nikolai would be if he found out he talked in his sleep. She noticed he had pushed the blankets down to his waist in the night, and she found her eyes straying over his body as it lay easily against hers.
This time she wasn't so shy about studying his broad-shouldered frame, admiring the muscled back and biceps, wincing at the deeply-purpled bruises that ran from shoulder-blade to waist on his left side. Her eyes wandered down to his hip where his old longjohns had slid down a little, and Rivka coloured slightly as she noticed the shadowed hollow of his flank leading down to the hidden groin below. He shifted uneasily as he slept and the longjohns slid lower, Rivka's eyes widening as he moved his leg and exposed the dark line of hair down his belly ending at the edge of the material, where a glimpse of dark curls could be seen.
She shook herself out of her reverie. No. She couldn't do this. It wasn't decent, and besides, the Major wasn't a willing partner in her perusal of him. She flushed crimson. A voyeur, that's what she was.
Shifting slightly she managed to ease herself out of Nikolai's arms and slid from the bed, Nikolai muttering once more as she left him. She replaced the warm blankets over him, resisting the urge to run her fingers over the smooth skin of his hip, and left him to sleep. He needed the rest, she thought. The revelations of last night had left him drained and exhausted, but she knew he had slept deeply and well, his contentment at lying in her arms shaking her to the core.
As she quickly dressed, she recalled how he had trusted her, revealing memories he had kept to himself for over half a lifetime. Rivka remembered how he had relaxed in her arms, giving his trust so implicitly that she almost wept. Honoured. That was the word. She had felt honoured …
But there was a lot to do this day, and mooning around like a teenager would not get the chores done. After eating a scanty breakfast, she set to work.
A large dresser sat beside her old stove and it took her nearly an hour to manhandle it far enough away from the wall to reveal a small wooden hatchway in the ancient brickwork. She found some oil and worked at the old bolt until it slid free and she pushed it open, peering into the darkness beyond. Turning, she lit a paraffin lamp, crawled carefully on hands and knees through the small doorway and disappeared.
***************
Major Nikolai Koulikov roused from a deep slumber at about noon, feeling better than he had done for days. His wounds were still painful, but the dull, throbbing ache had lessened, and he now discovered he could move without feeling as though he was going to pass out. Easing himself upright in the bed, he thought back on the night before.
She had held him all night, he knew. He remembered the warmth of her body beside him, and her hands caressing his back as she soothed him. At one point he had woken, roused by bad dreams, and Rivka had gentled him back to sleep with strange, soft words that calmed him and let him drift back into slumber.
Nikolai Koulikov was deeply, deeply confused. Why had she done that? Why had she taken the time to listen to the ramblings of a big idiot of a sniper who wasn't fit to clean her shoes? Was it just innate kindness? Because despite her uncompromising and daunting character Rivka was an understanding woman who had cared for him - mostly out of duty he was sure - and kept him fed, cleansed his wounds, and made sure he was well looked after. His heart lightened. She did like him! Or else why would she have treated him with such gentleness? He could still feel her fingers smoothing back his hair and gathering the blankets around his shoulders to keep him warm. That wasn't duty - oh no, she cared!!
But the grin that was beginning to creep onto his mobile face died unborn as a previously unbidden thought crept into his mind, one he had steadfastly refused to consider as he enjoyed the pleasure of Rivka's company. He couldn't allow it. No, he couldn't let himself get close to her. Everyone he had cared for in his life had died, and he couldn't even think of exposing Rivka to any danger. Besides, he was a soldier … a sniper, for god's sake! He had about as much chance of surviving this war as flying to the moon. He was not going to let Rivka feel the hurt of his passing. Once he was well, he would leave. That would be far less pain for her than dealing with his death.
Decision made, he sighed. But today, he decided, he would get out of bed. He had lain too long and he needed the activity. He looked around the cellar for Rivka, hoping she would help him get up and get dressed. She was nowhere to be seen.
"Missus?"
Silence.
"Missus?? Are you there?"
All Nikolai could here was the distant shelling to the north-east. He looked for the water buckets. All three of them were still there, so she hadn't gone for water. Where the bloody hell was she?
Cursing quietly,
Nikolai managed to swing his legs out of the bed and supporting his wounded
side by pressing his left arm around his ribs, he levered himself to his feet.
And nearly fell over. Finally upright, his body objected to the change, swaying
dangerously, and he had to hang on to the heavy wooden bedpost just to stay
upright. His stomach churned, but he persevered and his weakened legs decided
to hold him.
"Missus!! Missus! Rivka!!" His voice now held a desperate edge to it. Damn the woman!
"There's no need to yell, Major. I'm not deaf."
Nikolai turned towards the voice, his body objecting mightily to the movement and he clutched tighter to the bedpost. The room blurred for a moment as he teetered on the edge of collapse, but he gritted his teeth and hung on as the room tilted around him. But the feeling passed and he discovered a grubby Rivka peering at him from a hole in the wall. She had a hand covering her mouth in ill-concealed amusement and her eyes positively twinkled.
"What's so bloody funny, woman?" Nikolai was in no mood for hysterical women. He was suffering, and she thought it was funny!
Rivka let a squeak of laughter pass her fingers and she blushed under the dirt smudging her face.
"Er, Major … I suggest you hang on to your underwear …"
Nikolai blinked … and carefully looked down at his longjohns. They were slowly but surely sliding down over his hips and he was in imminent danger of baring his all to a highly amused and embarrassed Rivka. He knew he dared not let go of the bedpost or he would stretch his length on the floor and probably lose his underwear in the process, so he desperately managed to grab the waistband just in time with his left hand, yelping as he jarred his side. Saved from certain disaster, he stood, barefoot, bare-chested, sleep-tousled and shaky. But he was upright. Nikolai decided he could be rightly pleased with himself.
Rivka looked at him as though for the first time. In the few days she had known him, he had swept into her life and made her laugh, reduced her to tears, put his life in danger to protect hers, and entrusted his own to her hands. She saw him standing before her, broad and muscular, his big frame filling the room with his presence. She thought she had never seen such long legs in her life, and the look in his blue-on-blue gaze made her heart lurch.
"Why are you sitting in a hole in the wall, Missus?" Nikolai couldn't contain the irritated growl in his voice - if the woman was busy rummaging around behind walls she should have woken him! She could be hurt and no-one would be there to help. Bloody irresponsible, so she was!
Rivka crawled out of the small doorway and clambered to her feet, dusting off her clothes and straightening her head-scarf. A small tendril of dark hair escaped to frame her face.
"Brandy, Major." Rivka indicated the doorway. "This cellar is very old, and two hundred years ago brandy was stored and smuggled from here. The sewers run behind the cellar down to the Tsaritsa river, and there's a nice broad ledge just behind the door." She smiled up at Nikolai, triumph on her angular face. "I discovered it when I knocked a hole in the wall to feed the chimney pipe through so as to hide the smoke. Our hiding place if we need it!"
Nikolai was impressed. But he wasn't surprised - one thing he had learned in the past few days was that Rivka was nothing if not resourceful, and he had been right to trust her. With luck they would be safe enough if the Germans broke through into the city proper.
"Well, Missus - if you'll give me a hand to get dressed I'll do what I can to help." He looked at her expectantly.
Rivka thought for a moment. He needed something to do, she could tell, even if he just sat and passed supplies through the hole to her.
"Very well, Major. Vassili dropped off some spare clothing for you, so I think I can let you get dressed - as long as you promise not to tire yourself and tell me if you don't feel well. All right?"
Nikolai grinned his steely grin.
"That'll do for me, Missus! I'm just tired of lying in bed all day. Now then - if you can give me a hand, I'll get some clothes on …"
Thirty minutes later he was dressed and fed, and ready to do what he could to help Rivka shift bedding and supplies through the hole onto the ledge beyond.
For three hours they laboured, Rivka having to stop Nikolai several times as he pushed himself too hard and his face became lined with pain. At one point she threatened to put him back to bed if he didn't behave, and she told him in no uncertain terms that he was too weak to put up much of a struggle.
But finally they were finished, and Rivka crawled back out of the doorway, bolting it firmly closed behind her. Nikolai fretted at his own weakness as he watched her struggle to move the heavy dresser back into its place in front of the door, the big soldier becoming irritable in his frustration. But soon everything was back in its place, and Rivka smiled tiredly at him. It had been a busy day, and all she wanted to do was eat supper, clean herself up and get some sleep.
She washed her face and hands, then prepared a supper of potatoes and bacon. As they sat companionably at her old table she watched as Nikolai's eyelids drooped with fatigue. He had worked too hard, she knew, even though he had sat down to work, passing cans and foodstuffs to her as she stacked it against the wall in the old sewer.
"You're tired, Major. Perhaps I shouldn't have let you do so much."
Nikolai smiled wearily.
"Nah, Missus. It was my decision, and truth be told I needed to do something before I went crazy. Lying in bed all day is not my idea of fun, y'know." He sat quietly for a moment, struggling inwardly with a decision he had tried to avoid. "Missus …"
Rivka looked up from her meal, puzzled at the sadness in his tone.
"Yes?"
"Missus … I think I should go back to my own bed tonight." Nikolai saw her blink with surprise and she opened her moth to protest, but he continued on regardless. "I, er … I think it's time. I've taken up your bed for long enough. Anyway, I'll be well enough soon to go back to work … it's dangerous work, and I don't think it's fair …" His voice tailed off. How could he tell her that he didn't want her hurt? His was a doomed existence, and one evening he was sure, he wouldn't come back.
Rivka looked at the pain in his face and suddenly understood, with complete clarity, what he was saying. He thought too much of her to make her go through the grief of losing him. He didn't want to get too close and make her care for him. Her heart sank. Didn't he realise it was too late? She already cared for him more than she would have ever believed possible. But she saw the stubborn set of his jaw and knew he would not be moved on the decision, no matter how hard she pleaded her case. She nodded.
"Very well, Major. As long as you think it's the right thing to do." She saw him relax - he wouldn't have to fight with her over the matter, that was clear. She sighed. "Well, I have chores to do before bedtime. I want to wash some clothes so they'll be dry by morning, and I think I should do something about those smelly old things you insist on wearing … including your longjohns. You've had them on all the time you've been ill, so I think it's time they had a wash, don't you? If you get into bed you can pass them to me without embarrassing yourself like you did earlier." She tried a valiant smile and was sure he didn't see the pain behind it.
Relieved that she had acquiesced to his wishes so readily, Nikolai grinned. It would be nice to wear clean underclothes for a change.
When his mattress had been rolled out and Rivka had helped him undress down to his longjohns, he eased himself under the warm blankets, groaning as his tired body relaxed. He managed to somehow wriggle out of his longjohns and handed them to Rivka, her mouth twitching with amusement at his unaccustomed bashfulness.
He lay dozing as he listened to her work, the soothing sounds of liquid splashing and the smell of soap making him drowsy. Was he being a fool? Nah. She didn't need a big oaf like him lusting after her. It was better this way. Perhaps … perhaps one day she would find peace and happiness with a man who was worthy of her, once she managed to rid herself of that stupid bastard Gavri. She could divorce him if she could find out where he was. The thought of Rivka's happiness cheered him. Yes, a man who loved her and could care for her properly … maybe even have children. He smiled as he drifted into sleep. Yes, children. He liked the idea of Rivka with children at her skirts …
Rivka listened as his breathing deepened into slumber. He was a good man, she knew. A kind man … a gentle man. Any woman would be proud to have him. She would be proud to have him, she now had to admit. But it wasn't to be. She sighed. The clothes were washed and hung out on a rack to dry, and she was bone-weary. She changed quickly into her nightgown and slid into bed, realising with a jolt how empty it was without his long body lying next to hers. She missed him. She missed the warmth of him, his presence.
Turning onto her side, she bunched the pillows under her head and finally allowed the tears to flow as she cried herself to sleep.
*************
She was suddenly wakened by a noise. For long seconds she couldn't place what had awoken her, then the noise came again … a low, fearful groan.
"No … no, don't …" The deep baritone was hoarse with distress.
Nikolai.
Rivka eased herself from her bed and draped his old greatcoat around her, then silently crept out from behind the curtains. She studied the big frame sprawled on the mattress, light from the brazier flickering over the hollows and plains of Nikolai's restless body.
He had pushed the blankets down to his waist in his fevered dreams, and she could see the faint sheen of sweat on the long-muscled arms and torso. He was obviously deep in the grip of a nightmare. His gaunt face was lined with pain, and the white of the dressing on his wounded side was stark against his heaving ribs.
She knelt hesitantly beside him. What should she do? Waken him? How would he react? She decided to take a chance.
Leaning forward, she touched his shoulder as carefully as she could, but was startled by his reaction - he jumped as though touched by a firebrand and he suddenly yelled with fear, frightening Rivka out of her wits. He levered himself up onto his elbows, obviously unaware of where he was, still more than half asleep.
Rivka recovered her composure quickly, and instantly realized he would hurt
himself if allowed to become upset -the stitches in his side would not stand
the strain of too much movement. Before she could stop herself, she wrapped
strong arms around his chest and gathered him to her, crooning instinctively
to try and calm him.
Within seconds he settled, his big body relaxing against hers, his face turning to bury itself in her shoulder.
"Rivka …" Her name was but a soft breath as he sensed somewhere in his dreams that it was her, and he was reassured. He leaned into the warm substance of her body and sleepily wrapped arms around her, his head still tightat her shoulder, his big frame trembling from the horror of his nightmare. Whatever it was that had disturbed his slumber had affected him deeply, and the aftershock of it began to wake him slowly, his blue-on-blue eyes drifting open as he looked up and focused on Rivka's angular face above him. He blinked, taking a deep breath that jarred his ribs, and he clutched at her body, wincing. Then for long moments they stilled, Rivka holding this big, rough-hewn, vulnerable man tight, soothing him with soft words.
"Deigeh nisht … sha … sha …" (Don't worry ... shh ... shh ...)
Nikolai opened his eyes once more and lay against her quietly, absorbing with wonder the feel and texture of her bare arms on his skin. He felt the swell of her breasts against his chest, and he shifted, unconsciously wishing to feel the brush of her nipples as he moved to hold her closer.
Her breath felt soft against his short curls, her voice drifting to silence as she felt his body stir against her. Looking down at him she fell into the deepest of blue gaze … and was lost.
Without thinking, she leaned down and gave him the smallest, sweetest kiss on the corner of his mouth he had ever felt. Now awake and aware, Nikolai lifted his head to look at her with astonishment. She had a look on her face that he couldn't fathom for a long moment, and he saw the luminosity of her dark eyes, pools of dark sweetness that mirrored his desire.
He leaned away slightly so that he could see the sweep of her dark hair,
and his breath caught in his throat as her hand lifted from his body and began
to unbutton her nightgown, the very nightgown that
had
inflamed him as he lay wounded beside her two nights before. Button by button
he watched, mesmerised, his erection growing as she bared one full breast and
then the other, the gown opening further and revealing her body to him. He saw
the full curve of her hip, the flat smoothness of her belly, and then, finally,
the silky curls at the apex of her thighs.
His left hand lifted hesitantly to push away the great-coat, and the weight of the heavy material pulled the night-gown away from her shoulders, the smoothness of her skin glowing warm in the radiance of the brazier.
Dark nipples rose and hardened, and Nikolai wondered at their perfection. Breasts full but firm held his gaze, and he realised he wanted nothing more desperately than to suckle at their peaks as he strove inside her, feeling Rivka's body shudder beneath him.
But no. He couldn't let himself take her like that, not with the fear he knew still ran through her. He touched her cheek, stroking her cheekbone with his thumb, and she smiled shakily. He shifted around to sit upright, wanting to see her more clearly although the view played havoc with his groin.
"Are… are you sure about this? I … I don't want to hurt you, but you know there'll be some pain -"
Rivka saw the concern in his face, his desire warring with the need to please her and gain her confidence.
"Ach, meshugener - toches ahfen tish!" She reached out and stroked the soft curls on his chest, then, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she slipped down the blanket on his body to bare his straining erection. Her eyes widened.
Nikolai groaned at her touch, and had to stop himself from catching her hand and showing her how to stroke and caress his eager manhood, but he gritted his teeth and did nothing.
"And … and what would that mean, woman?" His voice was hoarse with need.
Rivka sat back on her haunches and took his hand from her cheek and laid it on her breast, where his thumb began to caress the turgid nipple. It felt so good …
"It means 'put up or shut up', you crazy idiot …" she sighed, as the calluses on his hand rasped enticingly over the softness of her breast. She looked back into his azure gaze, and his long face suddenly broke into a lop-sided grin at her comment, the glint of his teeth making her smile with him. "I know there'll be pain. But after that, I'm sure there will be much pleasure."
It was then he leaned forward, careful of his wound, and kissed her deeply, his delight as she returned the kiss sending fire to his loins. God, how he wanted her! He wanted her more than anything he had ever wanted in his life.
He broke away from her and pushed the nightgown and coat completely from her body, and then she was naked for him, her lean frame burnished gold and tawny in the firelight. She sat for long moments as he looked at her with such breathtaking desire it made her chest tighten, and then he was gathering her to him and stretching her gently out beside his long body.
She shivered uncontrollably, probably a combination of nerves and anticipation he thought, and Nikolai leaned over her, his mouth seeking hers once more, a big hand returning to her breast. She lay still as she felt him begin to explore her body, unsure of what to do. But soon, with soft kisses and tender touch he gentled her body into languid pleasure, and he felt her breath quicken as he began to trace down her flat belly to her flanks. She moaned suddenly as he brushed long fingers over her pubic mound, and then he was cupping her there, feeling her tense for a moment. He stilled his hand and stopped kissing her, looking into dark eyes that showed a little fear.
"Hush, my lady … I won't hurt you, I promise … this will be pleasurable for you … and for me." He saw the flicker of doubt and smiled. "Open to me …" Rivka saw the softness in his eyes, and she knew. He would be gentle. She parted her thighs a little, and gasped, her eyes widening in surprise as she felt a finger reach within, stroking, caressing … and the pleasure jolted through her, as his thumb touched somewhere that brought her shuddering up into his palm. He kept up his soft touch, and she moaned loudly, arching up as ecstasy began somewhere deep within her. "Yes … feel how good it is … this is how it should be …" Nikolai's voice was husky, and Rivka was dimly aware of the heat of his arousal lying hard and heavy against her thigh. But then she was once more falling into the swirl of pleasure, and she widened her thighs, allowing him better access.
Nikolai watched, fascinated, as he stroked her, wanting to mount her and bury himself within her depths … but he held himself back, the control becoming more and more difficult for him to maintain. But he knew he had to pleasure her slowly and carefully, let her feel how good it would be when he came into her at last. Oh God, he wanted to be inside her so much …
She cried out as he slid a second finger into her depths and she covered his hand with her own, urging him to move faster, setting her own speed and showing him where she wanted his touch. He gazed at her face, eyes lidded and unseeing as she was taken by his caress into a place she had never been, and her hips began to thrust into his hand, demanding more. Her breasts were flushed and aroused, and her breath came in heavy gasps.
"More … please … yeees, right … right there … oh God … what …oh God …"
Her eyes opened wide as she began to feel her orgasm approaching, a heat pooling deep within, and Nikolai nuzzled her breasts adding to the sensation. He worked his way up to her ear, all the while stroking and teasing her body, and he nipped gently at her skin.
"Let it go … that's it … come for me, my lady … come for me … let me feel you come around my fingers …" he felt the slick smoothness of her channel begin to contract. Pushing deeper he felt the barrier of tissue he would have to broach when he entered her, but he knew her husband had left her only semi-intact. He hoped the pain would not be too bad …
With a wordless cry she convulsed and her hips bucked, her climax washing over her, lean body shuddering as Nikolai eased her through the overwhelming pleasure of her first orgasm. Her cries lessened, and the strain left her body as she relaxed back onto the mattress, Nikolai kissing her gently as she came down from the intensity of the moment, his fingers finally leaving her.
He cradled Rivka in his arms, ignoring the sharp pain from his side and pulled her against his chest, her head turning to curl with a gentle smile into his shoulder. Looking up at him, she slipped a hand to his cheek and pulled his face down to hers for a kiss, and he was glad. He had pleased his Rivka, and her pleasure would add to his when he finally came into her and took her for his own.
They lay quietly, Rivka's breathing slowing and her body soft and satisfied in Nikolai's powerful arms. But soon his hand began to stroke her breast once more, the big man unable to resist the heavy fullness under his palm. Rivka moaned, feeling the tug of his mouth against her nipple once more, heat beginning to pool again inside her. He suckled gently, drawing the sensitive peak into his mouth, his tongue gently laving the hard nipple.
She arched against the hand that fell to the damp curls at her groin and she parted for him immediately, wanting more of that exquisite touch that drove her to a pleasure she had never thought existed.
But now there was something else. He groaned as he pushed his erection against her thigh, and his hand suddenly left pleasuring her and taking Rivka's fingers in his own he guided them to his manhood, wrapping both of their hands around the silken shaft. He showed her how to stroke and caress his length, and Rivka was astounded at the reaction it brought from him.
He grunted softly with ecstasy and buried his face in the hollow of her neck, his body thrusting helplessly against her eagerly moving hand. He cried out as her long fingers stroked experimentally around the flared crown of his engorged penis, a thumb smoothing the seeping liquid from its tip into the soft velvet skin.
His grip fell away from hers and Rivka turned slightly on her side to place her other hand on him, both working in concert now to tease his shaft and the soft, full sac beneath. His own hand reached blindly for her pubic mound and having found it, placed fingers once again in the place which would send her to completion. Her hips bucked and she arched against his body, wanting more.
"Oh God … now … do it now …"
With a wrenching groan of desire he turned her onto her back and rolled over to shadow her trembling body, her hands still caressing and stroking. Nikolai thrust against her belly, his rigid penis seeking, wanting, needing, desperate to bury himself within her tight channel.
As he moved, Rivka's hands left him and began stroking his back and hips as he moved lower, his manhood settling to rub its length against her throbbing clitoris. Her thighs moved wider apart to accommodate him and he moaned as he moved faster, hips heated and damp against her flanks.
"I'll try not to hurt you, but … I have … I want to have you …"
"I know …" Rivka moved her hands to pull his hips harder against her mound and he obliged by shifting lower still.
She felt his penis slide downward and press at the entrance to her slick, heated channel and she thought for a moment he would pull back, wary of hurting her. But then he was pushing, the flared head of his shaft sliding into her, and Nikolai groaned with an almost feral intensity. She felt full of him, the muscles of his buttocks moving under her touch, his arms loose around her as he tried not to frighten her by holding too tightly.
Nikolai was barely managing to control his thrust, his teeth were clenched and he watched her with intense darkling eyes, watching for signs of discomfort, but all he saw was desire in the liquid depths of her eyes. God, she was so tight …
But he came to the barrier within all to soon, and she flinched as he pressed against it.
Her hands moved to cradle his face, and she smiled through the fear of pain.
"It's all right … just fill me, please …"
His mouth settled soft kisses on her neck and face as he began to move in slow, shallow thrusts, each time angling his penetration so he stroked the nub of nerves that made her gasp with pleasure, and he felt a new slip of moisture within. It was time.
Gathering her in his arms he drew back and thrust hard, feeling the already partially-broken barrier of tissue give a little and he heard Rivka bite back a small cry of pain. But when he thrust again he felt it give way and at last he slid into her tight, untried depths, his own deep groan of pleasure thrilling her through the quickly fading pain.
She lay quietly, clutching his big, muscular body, and felt the discomfort subside and his thick length filling her.
His head rested once more in the hollow of her neck, his breathing heavy and needful.
"I'm sorry … I hurt you …" His voice was regretful but throaty with desire. He couldn't believe he was deep within her - the deed was done, and she was his.
Her reply was to move her hips against him and feel the slide of him inside her, and he answered in kind, his hips beginning to push gently within the warmth and slickness of her tight channel. Rivka felt him shudder with the ecstasy of it, and she managed to look down the length of their bodies to see Nikolai's big, powerful body begin to move. His hips lay cradled between her thighs, and she could feel the play of the muscles of his belly against hers.
Nikolai rested his weight on his good right arm and held her hip with the other as he moved in her in long, slow thrusts, watching as Rivka began to feel the deep pleasure of his loving. God, she was magnificent! Each thrust brought new heights of ecstasy as he pushed deeper within, her newly-opened depths adjusting to the girth and length of him.
Rivka lay beneath him astounded by the feelings his big body gave her, and each thrust now brought soft cries of pleasure as she picked up the cadence and rhythm, arms cradling his striving body, her long legs lifting to wrap around him.
"God … oh God …" Nikolai's voice was deep and needful, his thrusts becoming more demanding and he was driven on by her small cries of want as he rocked within her, lost in the joy of her body. She began to tremble, very close now to fulfilment, and her hands clutched at the small of his back, travelling downward to his hips as she tried to pull him deeper, and she gasped for more.
"Harder … please … yes … deeper …"
Nikolai heard her soft cries and responded, his body quickening to the call of hers. The pleasure was exquisite. Never would he have guessed at the sensuality of being inside Rivka, but here he was, loving her, and he was desperate to spill his seed deep within -
Oh God, what was he thinking? What if …
He dropped kisses on her cheek and lips, his body now helpless in its drive to finish, but the thought wouldn't go away.
"What … what if I make you pregnant …"
For a moment Rivka's deep brown eyes focused on his face, watching the hazy pleasure in his gaze and knowing she couldn't bear the thought of him leaving her body. Her hands tightened on his buttocks, revelling in the play of his muscles as he thrust.
"Stay …" Rivka held him tight. "It's all right …"
Nikolai sighed, then groaned as he finally surrendered to his desire. His body drove into hers, his thrusts deep and powerful, the light from the brazier burnishing their joined bodies with bronze and gold. Nikolai's deep groans were joined by Rivka's soft sighs as he pushed her to completion.
Rivka's eyes widened for a moment as she teetered on the brink … and then she arched against him, her long sobbing cries thrilling him as he felt the pulse and flutter of her inner muscles around his penis, her orgasm pounding through her.
He could hold back no longer. Deep in her own pleasure Rivka felt Nikolai's last uncontrolled thrusts as he cried out, and then he was arcing over her, his body straining against hers, and she felt a hot, liquid spurt deep within, his hips thrusting convulsively with each pulse of his semen as he emptied himself in her to exhaustion.
For long moments their bodies were tensed as pleasure overwhelmed them both, but the strain eased and Nikolai collapsed bonelessly on her, their breathing harsh and panting. Rivka held him close, murmuring softly, wordlessly, reveling in the feel of his body lying prone and sated on hers.
As their breathing returned to normal, Nikolai rested his head in the hollow of her neck, realising how right it felt to be joined to her. If he could stay here forever, still deep within her body, he would die a happy man.
"Missus …"
Rivka smiled with delight at the contentment in his voice.
"Yes Major?" She couldn't conceal the purr of satisfaction as she spoke.
"Would it be all right if I called you 'Rivka' now?"
Rivka almost laughed out loud.
Ach, the big fool …
"Yes, Nikolai … I think that would be perfectly all right now, don't you?"
Nikolai grinned, and lifting his head kissed her deeply and thoroughly.
"You are a lusty, magnificent woman, Rivka Velonina - did you know that?"
Rivka traced the outline of his cheekbone, delighting in the pleasure on his long face.
"Did you know you are a beautiful man, Major Nikolai Koulikov?"
Nikolai chuckled, surprised.
"I've been called a lot of things in my time, Rivka … but 'beautiful' certainly isn't one of them."
Nikolai winced as he felt himself slide from her body and he shifted to lie beside her, gathering her in his arms and pulling the blankets over them both. His wounds were on fire, and he would no doubt pay for his exertions later, but right now he didn't care one whit.
He knew now he wouldn't leave. He couldn't. She had a hold on him that was like steel velvet, and he surrendered to it willingly. He didn't know how she felt about him but he didn't care. For the first time in over thirty years, he was truly happy.
Rivka curled into him, resting her head on his shoulder and wrapping her body around his, sleepy and content. Her dark hair spread over his bare chest and Nikolai marveled at the beauty of her as she quickly fell asleep, safe and happy in his care. He kissed the top of her head, settled himself more comfortably in his rough bed, and drifted into slumber.
****************